"Oh....Hello."

Hmmm, where to start? Peter Party on Friday night was WICKED! I'm so glad I ended up going. I had a blast with all my work friends! The pouring rain turned my perfectly straight hair into a head of curls (plus the frizz of course!) We started out at Roger's place just up the street from my house and then went to the back nine. Roger had reserved a whole private room for us, it was so nice! We then headed to sweets where a bunch of creepos tried to hit on us. I ended up walking home in the rain with Brad. Random pic of Claire, Peter and I.



Saturday night we all drank here at 672 Graham -- in #1, 2 and 3! I heart the neighbours we have this summer, if it wasn't for them and my awesome roommates my summer would be pretty damn shitty! We headed to Nicky Zees that night -- it was good but somehow I got WAY too drunk off of nothing. It probably had to do with the fact that I had drank 8 out of 14 days. My body is so rundown. Not to mention this horrible chest/cough I have that won't go away... It was so bad last night that I almost puked from coughing so hard! Speaking of puke..... I don't really remember much from the walk home...but I do remember wandering back outside for fresh air after getting home and some random came with me and sat on the curb at the side of the road while I started passing out! Sheehan rescued me and dragged me inside. I went to the bathroom...got the spins....sat on the dirty bathroom floor and then decided I had to puke. Only nothing was left in my stomach to puke except for a bit of foam so I dry heaved for 5 minutes while staring at the base of the toilet and the dirty mold covered floor. SICK. Right after puking up stomach acid I felt better and preceded into the living room and ate pizza my roommates had ordered. Random night. I would like to thank Claire who covered my eyes and dragged me into the other dance floor while yelling "OMG OMG DONT LOOK DONT LOOK DONT LOOK!"

Today was not such a good day however -- Sheehan and I were excited to go to the beach in Mactaquac, except for my car overheated as we were going. We had to turn around and it took us a really long time to get home with all the starting and stopping I had to do.. We were really disappointed about missing out on beach day but it ended up #3 was going and had two extra seats in their vehicle. I had a good time, they are cool kids!

So how many creepos cruise around fredericton on a sunday night to pick up girls and/or honk the horn or yell out car windows? We counted at least 5 tonight, including one truck which actually PULLED OVER to the side of the road on Regent street and yelled out the window "wanna go to the movies?" Can you be any more pathetic and desparate?!

Coralicious!

I hate breakups. Some days are always better than others and this is one of my not-s0-good days. I feel really sad. I'm so mad at myself for opening myself up to him and I'm so mad at myself for caring and being distraught because we broke up. BLAHHH! I just want to lay here in bed all day with my laptop. I don't want to go to work tonight and I certainly do not feel like going to the party we are having for Peter (Peter from AE who recently quit). But of course I have to go to both and I cannot just lay here all day. I must go out and face the world with the fake smile on my face which I've put on since tuesday.

Playing the waiting game is no fun at all.

Sheehan and I went nutso on the kitchen last night and cleaned it spotless... this includes scrubbing out the microwave, scrubbing the floor and cleaning out the cupboards. If anyone messes it up I'll murder them! Already I see crumbs on the counter -- who is the culprit!

I just got back from the gym. I would have stayed longer and done a harder workout but I had a call in for AE at 3 and I had to be home in time just in case I had to work it! Of course I called work and they don't need me until 6:30 so now I have 4.5 hours to waste here by myself on this beautiful day. Frig I wish I had a yard to lay in and tan!

I have decided I am going to refrain from drinking at Dolans tonight due to lack of funds and the fact that I'm starting to grow a beer belly... Well, ok, truthfully I'm going to "try" not to drink but I imagine one or two drinks will end up in my belly. I'm not going to lie.

I'm trying to get a camping trip set up for Parlee Beach next weekend since I have the weekend off from work. I was hoping to go up August 5 (saturday) and stay until the 7th (monday). If anyone is interested in joining the fun, please let me know!

Another Day, Another Night.

Last night involved more drinking. I feel as if I am becoming an alcoholic. If it wasn't for my severe lack of funds I probably would be! Last night I ended up at the Capital during the lightning storm with the neighbours and my little sis - today was a bit more random as I headed to work this morning running on 4 hours of sleeeeeeep...then went to bring Trevor the rest of his stuff (aka clothes) that were left here. Actually, come to think of it I think I still have some of his spices in my fridge! We ended up on a productive walking adventure. I guess we are going to try to be friends with the dismay of everyone else I know. I guess I can honestly say I don't know what the hell I'm doing right now. I just got back from the neighbours, smoking the "hookah" and eating McDicks. Oh crap, I just realised I ate McDicks twice today. GROSS! Tomorrow will be more drinking and Dolans of course. I am running out of money and I need to stop drinking.

Now I must ask the most crucial question known to mankind...

What is the most random item in your cupboard?

If I must answer first -- its a GIANT can of PUMPKIN!!!!

Oops.

Maybe what I wrote last night was uncalled for....but thats how I feel and I can't help the way I feel.

At least I still have my double chocolate chip cookies..

I don't know who actually reads this... but since this is my blog I'm allowed to write about how I feel. Right now I feel really hurt, and angry and alone. I can't believe I let my guard down for this boy, when I was so hesitant at first.. I'm angry at myself for letting myself develop these feelings and I'm angry that I'm so hurt by him. I'm angry that I took his birthday weekend off from work so that I could celebrate with him. I wish I never started to fall for him, I wish we had never dated so we could be friends and I wouldn't be losing him. I'm hurt that he doesn't have the feelings for me that I do for him. I want to say I hate him but I don't. I don't want to be alone, I don't want to have no one that cares about me. I really really liked him. Why does this always happen. Even though I could see this coming these past few days it still really hurts. Having your heart ripped out and stomped on sucks. I wish I had a remote that rewinds the past so that I could act differently or something to change the outcome of the situation. I don't know. I don't know why he doesn't care about me. I don't know why he doesn't want to be with me. I don't understand. I'm so hurt. He's losing the best thing that ever happened to him. I tried to be the best girlfriend he's ever had but I guess I just wasn't enough. I just need to crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep. I hate my life. Whyyyyy....

My Summer Drama

Why is it that every summer my life feels like a freakin soap opera! I can't even begin to explain all the craziness that has been going on in my life these past couple weeks but I want it to just be all normal again. I feel so alone right now and I just want him here to cuddle with me. Last night was day 3 of my drunken adventures. I don't think I've ever been so drunk in my life. Thursday night was a Dolans night --- Friday night was Sweets and last night was Zees. Last night was just a crazy night in general and somehow a bunch of sketchy people we didn't know ended up in our apartment and wouldn't leave! One of the sketchbags decided he'd be cool if he only wore his boxers ... and the boxers were hanging down his ass so you could see his entire crack (wow attractive...) When we told him to put his pants on he flipped out at Kinnon and tried to fight him and it took us about an hour to get this guy out of our house... And apparently later on that night when I was upstairs, some random guy ran into our house and whipped out his dick and chased Claire's sister around... Fucking creepy!

2 lbs away from the goal I thought I would never ever reach!

I must really follow that general saying that people gain more weight in the winter (ie. put on fat for hibernation) and lose weight in the summer.. I have struggled to lose those 15 lbs I had put on allllll winter, with no luck (other than a 5lb fluctuation up and down). I started out in April at 119. I'm now 107 as of today, with only going to the gym once a week or so! I think its the fact that I'm not eating junk food from the science library vending machines while sitting in class all day or on my ass in the library. My job at American Eagle requires that I'm on my feet all day.. Plus the heat makes you not want to eat a lot. Yeah... that must be why I've lost all this weight effortlessly! I'm going to try my hardest not to let this weight creep back up on me like it does every friggin winter!! I'm 2 lbs from my goal weight and finally starting to feel happier about myself. I think I should celebrate with getting my navel pierced.. ;)

Life of Gill

My party for my birthday was a total hit! There were so many people here that the cops came. And everyone knows a party isn't a party without the cops!

I got waaaay too drunk last night...lets just leave it at that. This morning was no fun at all.

About the apartment... Forough, Agni and I drew names for the rooms before seeing the place. Of course I get the small room with the stairway and garbage dumpster outside the window. Thats just my luck. When I saw it, I just didn't want to cram myself and all my junk into such a small dark room for 12 months of my life. We tried to find other places to look at in the paper in our price range/area of choice but we had no luck. Forough decided to trade me and I now have the large room! (I am going to pay more than everyone else for it) The rest of the apartment is awesome too... it has a HUGE living room and a big porch! I'm so pumped to move into it!! I am just going to have to get used to walking a lot more since the university is not right in my back yard (like it basically was all year!)

Worst Day Ever!

I had such a bad day yesterday...

-- I started my period super early which means I'll have another one a week after I finish... (yuck!)
-- I got pulled over for doing 125km/hr in a 100 zone -- luckily got away with only a warning (phew!)
-- We put $270 into fixing my car in Hampton...drove back to Fredericton so I could go to work only to have my car not start and I had to borrow money from Trevor so I could cab to work (thumbs down to that!)

AND I just found out from Forough that the small bedroom in the apartment we were going to get (I didn't get to see it because I was stuck with a broken car in Kingston) has garbage dumpsters outside the window so you won't be able to open the window at all ... I don't think I can live there if I get stuck with that room for a whole 12 months! Now I don't know what to do because we are suppose to sign the lease today.. Uggghhhh!

I feel so frustrated!!

My birthday "Muff Dive", as promised!

Here it is folks... pictures from my first birthday muff dive. Excited? You better be! Drum roll...

Pre-dive...




Mid-dive...

Random-ness is sometimes a good thing.

I am missing my boy alot right now.
I have to do part of the Back-To-School presentation at our staff meeting in front of 35 staff members and I'm nervous!
I am having a (hopefully) huge bash here on saturday night for my birthday and all are welcome.
Twenty-three feels the same as twenty-two.
I cleaned my room today and you can see the floor.
I wish my boy could attend my party but he has to work.
I am getting lots of hours at AE lately.
I put my thawing nalgene bottle on top of my schedule on my desk today after work and now my schedule is permanently imprinted on my desk.
I need to sleep because I have to get up at 7:45am tomorrow but I am not tired.
My birthday was actually a lot of FUN and I got to muff dive at the Ale House (pictures will be posted in the not too near distant future when Amanda decides to upload them onto her computer)

This photo is from the party my boy had on his lawn during one of the Oilers games -- he is showing that the score is 3 - 0 for the Oilers.

Today is the day!

Today I am officially 23 years of age. Actually, if you wanted to get technical, I won't be 23 until 1:03pm this afternoon (at the moment, my laptop tells me it's 10:46am). I couldn't care less that it's my birthday today. I'm feeling indifferent. Maybe its the fact that my mom woke me up at 10 this morning to drive my half-broken car to the mechanic and I'm tired and grumpy. Or the fact that I'm sitting in the kitchen in shorts and a tank top that I slept in and if anyone knows my house in kingston, they would know its a freezer. But my hoodie is in the washing machine right now. Anyways, who gives a crap that its my birthday. Today is just like any other day.

I worked at AE last night from 4-10. I got to drive my mom's car up to work. It was great, I could actually drive much faster than the usual 110 without feeling like my car was going to fall apart! At work I got to sit out back in the stock room and put together cool upper displays in wooden crates that will be used during our Back-To-School floorset this saturday. I was feeling kinda down when I got to work so I was happy that I didn't have to deal with any customers! Right after work I hit the road again and came home (probably driving much faster than I should have been in the dark). Luckily for my hawk-like-eyes I saw the deer in the ditch before it had a chance to run in front of me. So here we go again, another day stranded in Kingston.

I wish I could help all the people in pain and saddness right now. But I feel powerless. I feel like I can't even comfort my boyfriend. And if you guys know me, you know that I always try to help everyone and when I can't it makes me feel useless. I use to be told I gave good advice and that I was easy to talk to. I can understand first hand what people are going through right now, I've been through it before only two years ago. I know its hard and will take a while for normality but I just want to see everyone smile again...

My birthday luck.

This is the way things seem to go with my birthdays ---

19th bday -- horrible
20th bday -- fun!
21st bday -- HORRIBLE
22nd bday -- FUN!
....

What luck will my birthday bring this year? I can almost guess with all the bad things happening. I'm also going to be stuck in Kingston and probably alone - I had to drive my mom's car to fredericton today to go to work and i have to drive it back home tonight after I'm done, so that she has it to go to a doctors appointment early tomorrow. I hope my car gets fixed soon...

I hate DIALUP!

I'm home alone in Kingston right now, bored out of my friggin mind. Why don't you drive somewhere, you may ask? Well -- my car broke down last night so I'm stranded here in the middle of the friggin woods! Anyways, this fun and exciting weekend I had planned turned out to be one of the worst weekends yet. So much for a great two days off in a row. Trev's friend, a fellow hamptonian died on friday night in PEI. He was hit by a drunk driver. He was only 20, and from what Trevor said he had so much going for him. It's such a sin. I feel terrible for all who knew him.

Amanda and I were still going to try to make the best of the day, by going out with Ang to the new renovated 3 mile (or the Max??) I was at her house all afternoon and realised I forgot a few things at my house so we hopped in my car to go to my house -- everything seemed fine and dandy. We pumped up the tunes, began to arise from our slump throughout the day and get hyper. I stopped at the Iriving in Hampton to pick up a Rockstar energy drink since I wouldn't be drinking (I was DD) -- I started my car again and about 3 minutes later I realised I had a couple warning lights flashing -- one was this exclamation point surrounded by double brackets and the other was a battery light. I then realised I had lost my power steering. I pulled over and stopped my car in a church parking lot. Oh the random adventures Amanda and I have in my car! I pulled out the manual that came with my car (that I had NEVER opened) and looked up the warning lights. I could not find the exclamation point, but the battery warning light told me that basically my car was going to die and to turn off the fans, radio, lights (which at the time was not possible, it was dark!) etc and drive to the nearest Toyota dealer or mechanic. HAHAHAHA!!! I managed to get my car back to my house, but it also started to overheat on the way there.... Basically that put the final stop on our night and I just borrowed my moms car to drive Amanda home, with a quick stop at Trevs to see how he was doing.

And that brings me to being stranded here in kingston, bored out of my mind. It's funny that I was just having a conversaton with the neighbours last night while having a few drinks with them in the parking lot about how I thought my car was going to die any day now...

Ok, I'm going to go downstairs and watch some boring daytime boonie-vision (aka 3 channels). It will probably take me at least 10 minutes to post this also because of the dial-up so that will kill some more time.

Sisterly love

Awww I just love this picture of me and my little sis Becca from last night!! I'm only updating because I'm too damn excited to go home and see Amanda (and Trevor too of course) that I can't sleeeeeep yet, even tho I set my alarm for 6 hours from now to get up! Eeeeeek!