untitled.

Its been a really long time since I've done an update - this place used to be a way to vent my frustrations in writing but now I feel as if its a struggle to put them to paper. Why do I put so much time and effort, get nothing in return, and continue to live life like this?

I got a new job. Its the first Biology job that I applied for, I can't believe I actually got it! I haven't started yet but as of June 8th I'm no longer assistant manager at American Eagle. Instead, I'm going to be a molecular biology technician. (Sounds pretty crazy!) I do not feel like I have it in me to part ways with AE though, I demoted myself back to sales associate. That place is my second home, I love it and everyone who works there. One more week of being a manager *sniff*

Death Bridge

I am on Farva's laptop up in his new little loft room in our house. He moved in, Celia moved out. We (Farva, Trav and I) just got back from a huge walking adventure starting at our house and walking on the trail across the walking bridge and all the way around to the Westmorland Bridge, which I now have renamed Death Bridge. This is because I almost had a panic attack because there were spiders EVERYWHERE! Surrounded! Spiders on every place they could be on the railing on either side of us walking. It seriously freaked me the fuck out. But other than that the long hour and a half walk felt goooood.

Useless.

I'm home alone. The boys are all gone out drinking. I would have loved to go but alas I have no money - plus I have to work at 8am. I guess crazy gill has matured a bit. Either that or her body just can't handle booze anymore. Those damn crazy hangovers make me too grumpy to work at my job with all those customers! I just got home from hanging out at Heats house. A big crew showed up and we all sat around and watched episode after episode of the show Weeds. I'm so hooked whenever I start watching it. Every episode ends with a cliffhanger goddamnit! I just can't start watching without stopping after one, two, three, no four episodes!

I feel slightly relieved yet slightly anxious.

Give yourself a pat on the back for being you.

The boys in my room are doing some sort of hockey thing right now where they are picking players and creating their own teams on the xbox. Then they are going to play a season of games. They are hardcore into it and using excel on the computer and stuff to keep score. I'm kinda bored actually. Too much hockey talk for the past 2 1/2 hours. In the meantime I've taken it upon myself to create an AE Window Change Checklist. This way the associates can remember all the little things they may forget if I'm not working that night. I feel accomplished. But now I don't really know what else to do. Facebook is no longer amusing me. I'm just sitting on this chair in my own little world.

Tomorrow will be an adventure. I'm taking Trav to Kingston to visit my mom at her work and get some fruits and veggies which I'm in desperate need for. It will be something different to do at least on my day off. And I can't remember the last time I've been home to Kingston!

the best surprise!

You will never guess who I saw today! Zac! God I missed him! He's back from Toronto for a year because his girlfriend is going on maternity leave soon and they wanted to be closer to family. He came into AE today and surprised the shit out of me!

Other than that I guess my first day back to work was decent. It's nice to be back to work, but I wish I could have had one more week off. One week just isn't enough. One week just gets you caught up in all the sleep you've missed out on while you've been working so much. The other week is the week to be productive and catch up on errands you've been putting off. Too bad I didn't have the week two to be productive with... I let Chris borrow my car for the day while I was at work and he brought me some delicious lunch from Mikes Restaurant and a smoke. I would have killed ten gypsies for that smoke, I was jonesing. I guess you can say I'm sort of trying to quit smoking cigarettes. I'm too broke to smoke anymore and I don't want my lungs to fail on me... And I'm lucky enough that I wasn't born with asthma - I shouldn't be trying to kill my respiratory system to this extreme. I'll be happy if I can just cut sober smoking out of my life right now and keep it to solely smoking while intoxicated.

Thiefs!

I never really understood where people get off from stealing from others. Do they not realize karma will come back to kick them in the ass? Last night while everyone was asleep someone apparently came in through our front door and stole Wes's Xbox 360 from the living room. And last week at work someone stole $25 from the Make a Wish Foundation out back on the break table. Some peoples children..

Where am i?

I don't feel at all like myself right now. Today has just been one of those days. Where nothing is really wrong, but everything feels so so wrong. When you just want to burst into tears every moment for no real reason. I feel like there is so much emotions trapped inside of me at this very moment and I don't know what they are so they are just left inside. Where they will build until one little thing sometime in the future will set them free.

So its summer now!

Winter has come and gone since my last post and I am still alive! It's surprising tho, considering my random encounters ranging from an explosion gas fire in the house across the street that blew my bedroom windows in, literally.. metal poles from AE window displays crashing down, and my wide array of sicknesses - bladder infections and antibiotics that give me a retarded rash. But lets get down to business.

I'm twenty fucking five now. Can you believe it? I had a glorious birthday weekend and now I'm on day two of my glorious eight day vacation. This is a much needed break away. Last night was a pretty rediculous night. I spent the day with Chris and his entire family at his cousin Fentons wedding. By the end of the night, Trav's parents had gotten us drunk off expensive beer and caused both of our faces to hurt from laughter. They were so hammered that I couldn't help but laugh all night.

We looked goooood.

Maybe we should all listen to our mothers...

...when they tell us to never walk alone at night. I was walking home at 1am from Laura's place (which really is not that far and only involves George street and Regent street) during a snowstorm the other night. It was a quiet yet peaceful night. I was enjoying the walk in the freshly falling snow. It wasn't a brutally cold night, it was warm. I had been alone almost the entire walk and I can recall a Checkers Cab van pass me on Regent street and I saw it pull right onto a street way up ahead. I thought nothing of it. When I passed by the Kebab (or formerly called Kellys Cafe/Bouldons) I noticed that there was some sort of vehicle parked behind the building with its lights on and running (but I could not see it). I still thought nothing of it.

The next thing I can remember was when I was just beginning to approach the edge of the street at the crosswalk, where Aberdeen connects with Regent. I had glanced over to the right and noticed a mans shadow RIGHT behind me. Uncomfortably a foot away from me. It shocked the crap out of me and I may have jumped slightly. He was not that tall, probably not too much taller than me. He was older - probably in his 40s and wearing a leather jacket. He said "Hey how are you?" and I started to walk faster and vear to the left to cross the street, answered "good." and glanced back over my shoulder....

What happened next I never expected. He leaped towards me and grabbed me around my side saying "Give it to me!" We ended up falling onto the snowy road with my purse underneath me and with him on top of me. I started to scream and try to get my purse to throw it at him. I thought he was going for it. I was ready to throw it and get the fuck out of there. The biggest shocker of the story? I yelled take it while struggling to get my purse off my shoulder and he just got up and left. He just walked down Aberdeen street and left me laying on the road with all my belongings. What the fuck? I ran the rest of the way home and when I got there I could barely breathe.

I'm going to take this all as a sign, as I believe in all that karma and signs and stuff. I was lucky and got away this time, but next time I may not be that lucky. I'm taking it as a wake up call that I'm not invincible, these things WILL happen to ANYONE and I can't go about life with the attitude that 'it will never happen to me'. I have to stop being so stupid.

Tiiiired.

I'm sitting at my computer desk after half attempting to clean my room waiting for 11pm to arrive. My car has broke and I managed to convince Heat to let me to take her car home for a couple hours if I stayed for a little over half the floorset tonight. I just have to pick her up and hang out with her afterwards. Its a good deal. No cab fare and I get something to do later!

This was a long ass weekend full of work. I'm tired.

Back to the room cleaning...

Happy 2008 on February the 23!

Allow me to start my first post in the new year (although very very late..) the right way. Its 11:40pm. I'm haggard. My eyes are bloodshot. I slept 3 hours the night before due to some alcoholic beverages and a place called the Capital. I worked 11 hours today, starting bright and early at 8am. I can't believe I'm still functional and alive. I work again tomorrow morning at 9:30. Sleep I need. Maybe I'll have to cut this post short but hopefully it has given me the motivation to want to right more often. I seem to have fallen out of it, and I used to sort of use it as a way to vent. A semi-stress reliever. I need more of that.

Day Two!

So I'm currently on day two. I actually made it through an entire day, although sleep was lacking.. I was wide awake and strung out until at least 3am (which sucked because I had to get up at 7:20 for work today). Hopefully I'll make it through tonight as well...although I'm planning on getting HAMMERED because its been two weeks since I last drank. And sometimes you don't always make the best decisions when you are drunk... Work today was pretty awful. I'll leave it at that. Sayonara folks!

Day One!

Day One of quitting yets continues... It's 10:23pm. This is the longest I've made it yet (I know...pathetic..) but at least I'm trying! I think I'm going to crack open a Moose light to satisfy my craving of relaxing after work (I just got home from a long 9 1/2 hour shift). Work wasn't bad today/tonight tho. I got to work on the window change. It's a great window this time, looks awesome!! Our district manager was also doing a store visit today but... I'm extremely extremely disappointed that she hasn't mentioned any promotion yet on my part... I mean, I've been doing the job of assistant manager since February but I just don't get assistant manager pay. I'm starting to get really frustrated with American Eagle. I definitely believe I'm ready for the promotion. If I didn't want to work at American Eagle I wouldn't still be there. I now have a degree and a $30 000 student loan. If I wanted to make a crap load of money and pay off my debts, I could move and find another job..and actual career that will be in my degree field.. but I love AE. I'm not ready to leave it, but I also don't know how much longer I can stick around if they are going to keep stringing me along... It's just not fair. Dave told me I'm the only keyholder that closes the store on their own (apparently they aren't technically allowed to close and do the deposit) but thats the way I was trained.. I've been missing out on so much money this year..

Anyways...Calgary? Do I want to actually just DO IT?

Sad/Frustrated/Angry/Happy?

I can't do it... I can't do this... I need to know that I'm wanted.

La de da de da.

I am home from a great relaxing weekend spent with Trav in his moncton apartment with his psycho kitty whom I adore. It was just the weekend I needed to really get away but I've come to realise the only solution I have left is to run away. Run away from my problems and far far away. The problems and the solutions... The one I feel alive around, because I don't feel alive enough.

Sleep tonight may be an issue. The after-weekend sleep adjustment isn't ever fun. And I'm not talking about the cause being from drinking. I'm talking about the cause being a lack of Trav in my bed...

Who the fuck is Leon?

Ever since I've moved into this house, on a fairly regular basis I hear someone outside yelling the name Leon. But dragging it out real long...like, Leeeeeeeeeooooooooooon! Who the fuck is Leon and where is he always disappearing to??!

And why is it that I always hear the words I crave to hear when they are drunken ramblings but never when they aren't?

I get to spend the weekend in Moncton with Phil and Trav's kitten...I'm pumped!

On cloud 9.

Everything feels good right now. Real good. Too good to be true. I feel butterflies dancing in my stomach when I think of him. It feels like a girlie crush. Although different. It scares me how I feel. Things can't really be going this well in all aspects of my life, can they? Something is not as it seems. But what? I think I'm getting my promotion at work very soon as well. Hopefully this is the end of them dragging me around as keyholder when I've been doing the daily responsiblities of assistant manager all along. Eeeeeeee.. I'm very antsy for friday. I want it here, now. I want to be there, now..

A much needed lazy day.

I'm finding a hard time keeping up with the responsibility of having a blog..aka daily or almost daily updates. However, it seems my life in blog form is lacking. I'm going to have to work a little bit harder. Why do I even care? Because its fun to go back months and years later and read how you were feeling a certain day. And sometimes it helps to write things out. (Hence a lot of 'moody confused gill' posts you read a lot) Anyways.... point is, I'm going to try harder. It's all I can do!

Its finally my day off after a long 6 day work stretch that seemed to last a year. It was crammed full of floorsets and windows. My body is sore and run down. I'm sick and hacking up yellowish phlegm. Delish... I have also been an insomniac lately...I cannot fall asleep before 5 or 6am. Last night was the same, except I decided to opt for a sleepover in the living room with Heat, Waking Life, chips, neo citron and scratch tickets. Which I won 7 dollars on! ;) I hope getting to sleep tonight isn't too much of a hassle...since I work at 8am tomorrow morning. It will be the first day shift I've had in a long long while!

I'm looking forward to the weekends festivities...in a different city.

Fun fact of the day:

Did you know that its legal to drive a school bus if you make it the "c ool bus" by taking out the s and h out of the word school, paint it and take out all but 4 seats?

Getting away!

I had an amazing last couple weekends involving roadtrips, bars, different cities and friends! Last weekend I head to SJ with Farva, Heat and Laura where we met up with Phil and Trav and stayed at the Delta. I met up with old friends whom I've missed dearly and many drinks were consumed. There were bathroom adventures, getting locked out of the hotel room at 5am, disappearing Heat and hurricanes! This weekend consisted of a roadtrip with Heat to Moncton where we stayed with Trav and went out to the O2 and to some random Salsa bar that should have been closed (because it was past 2am) but it wasn't. They also served us drinks. I love roadtrips!