Lemon ginger "tea"

I've decided to try and make a conscious effort to blog more.  I read through the majority of my posts (while consuming way too much wine) last night and it inspired me to continue writing.  It's really enjoyable to look back and read your posts years down the road!

So speaking of drinking too much wine, I feel pretty shitty.  Not terrible but not great.  I decided to do an experiment (knowing the benefits of ginger and lemons) to see if it would help my slightly upset stomach and relieve some of my dehydration.

Basically I sliced up about a half inch of ginger root (thinly) and put it in my mug.  I then poured boiling water on top and let it seep for 5 minutes and then added half the juice from a lemon.  I was expecting it to be pretty nasty but in fact it's delicious!  The lemon masks a lot of the zing from the ginger.  (tho I friggin Looooove anything lemon).  It's very soothing.  If I didn't down it I would take a picture (oops?).  Next time, I'm going to try grating the ginger instead as I'm left with the ginger slices in the bottom of my cup.  I chewed on a couple but they were pretty zingy ;)

It could all be in my head but I think I am starting to feel better now.  Or it could be the fact that I'm basking in the hot sun on my deck.  God I've missed spring!  Thank god its finally here.

Confession

I'm the girl who loves to motivate others to do their best.  I love giving others compliments and making people feel great about themselves.  So why can't I do this with my own self?  I feel like a hypocrite.  I feel as if I'm defined to the world by my looks.  I know I shouldn't feel this way.  I feel like I have nothing to offer the world.  But I also know this isn't true.  Then why the self hatred?  I'm sick of hating myself but I can't seem to stop.  I'm like stuck in this downward spiral where I want to love myself but no matter what I do I just can't get over how much I hate everything about myself.  Sometimes I look in the mirror and think I look "pretty" but it never lasts long enough.  And then the fact that I hate myself because I'm not the ideal beauty (ie no boobs whatsoever, no womanly hips, no butt, big nose, etc..) makes me feel superficial which makes me feel equally bad.  Yes I'm skinny, but I'd kill to have womanly curves.  I want to feel like a woman.  I look like a little girl.  Then I have these crazy thoughts and it makes me feel even more like a little girl.  Get over it, that's what others would say.  But I don't know how.  I wish I did...  My moods are so over the place it makes me feel like I don't even have personality to back up my lack of 'woman-Ness'.  This isn't true, but it's how I feel.  I'm usually the super smiley girl that giggles after every sentence.  But I feel as if that's a lie and I'm just hiding the way I really feel.  Then I blow up after holding in my anxiety, usually at the ones I love.  How do I help myself? How does one really learn self love and acceptance?