Day Two!

So I'm currently on day two. I actually made it through an entire day, although sleep was lacking.. I was wide awake and strung out until at least 3am (which sucked because I had to get up at 7:20 for work today). Hopefully I'll make it through tonight as well...although I'm planning on getting HAMMERED because its been two weeks since I last drank. And sometimes you don't always make the best decisions when you are drunk... Work today was pretty awful. I'll leave it at that. Sayonara folks!

Day One!

Day One of quitting yets continues... It's 10:23pm. This is the longest I've made it yet (I know...pathetic..) but at least I'm trying! I think I'm going to crack open a Moose light to satisfy my craving of relaxing after work (I just got home from a long 9 1/2 hour shift). Work wasn't bad today/tonight tho. I got to work on the window change. It's a great window this time, looks awesome!! Our district manager was also doing a store visit today but... I'm extremely extremely disappointed that she hasn't mentioned any promotion yet on my part... I mean, I've been doing the job of assistant manager since February but I just don't get assistant manager pay. I'm starting to get really frustrated with American Eagle. I definitely believe I'm ready for the promotion. If I didn't want to work at American Eagle I wouldn't still be there. I now have a degree and a $30 000 student loan. If I wanted to make a crap load of money and pay off my debts, I could move and find another job..and actual career that will be in my degree field.. but I love AE. I'm not ready to leave it, but I also don't know how much longer I can stick around if they are going to keep stringing me along... It's just not fair. Dave told me I'm the only keyholder that closes the store on their own (apparently they aren't technically allowed to close and do the deposit) but thats the way I was trained.. I've been missing out on so much money this year..

Anyways...Calgary? Do I want to actually just DO IT?

Sad/Frustrated/Angry/Happy?

I can't do it... I can't do this... I need to know that I'm wanted.

La de da de da.

I am home from a great relaxing weekend spent with Trav in his moncton apartment with his psycho kitty whom I adore. It was just the weekend I needed to really get away but I've come to realise the only solution I have left is to run away. Run away from my problems and far far away. The problems and the solutions... The one I feel alive around, because I don't feel alive enough.

Sleep tonight may be an issue. The after-weekend sleep adjustment isn't ever fun. And I'm not talking about the cause being from drinking. I'm talking about the cause being a lack of Trav in my bed...

Who the fuck is Leon?

Ever since I've moved into this house, on a fairly regular basis I hear someone outside yelling the name Leon. But dragging it out real long...like, Leeeeeeeeeooooooooooon! Who the fuck is Leon and where is he always disappearing to??!

And why is it that I always hear the words I crave to hear when they are drunken ramblings but never when they aren't?

I get to spend the weekend in Moncton with Phil and Trav's kitten...I'm pumped!

On cloud 9.

Everything feels good right now. Real good. Too good to be true. I feel butterflies dancing in my stomach when I think of him. It feels like a girlie crush. Although different. It scares me how I feel. Things can't really be going this well in all aspects of my life, can they? Something is not as it seems. But what? I think I'm getting my promotion at work very soon as well. Hopefully this is the end of them dragging me around as keyholder when I've been doing the daily responsiblities of assistant manager all along. Eeeeeeee.. I'm very antsy for friday. I want it here, now. I want to be there, now..

A much needed lazy day.

I'm finding a hard time keeping up with the responsibility of having a blog..aka daily or almost daily updates. However, it seems my life in blog form is lacking. I'm going to have to work a little bit harder. Why do I even care? Because its fun to go back months and years later and read how you were feeling a certain day. And sometimes it helps to write things out. (Hence a lot of 'moody confused gill' posts you read a lot) Anyways.... point is, I'm going to try harder. It's all I can do!

Its finally my day off after a long 6 day work stretch that seemed to last a year. It was crammed full of floorsets and windows. My body is sore and run down. I'm sick and hacking up yellowish phlegm. Delish... I have also been an insomniac lately...I cannot fall asleep before 5 or 6am. Last night was the same, except I decided to opt for a sleepover in the living room with Heat, Waking Life, chips, neo citron and scratch tickets. Which I won 7 dollars on! ;) I hope getting to sleep tonight isn't too much of a hassle...since I work at 8am tomorrow morning. It will be the first day shift I've had in a long long while!

I'm looking forward to the weekends festivities...in a different city.

Fun fact of the day:

Did you know that its legal to drive a school bus if you make it the "c ool bus" by taking out the s and h out of the word school, paint it and take out all but 4 seats?

Getting away!

I had an amazing last couple weekends involving roadtrips, bars, different cities and friends! Last weekend I head to SJ with Farva, Heat and Laura where we met up with Phil and Trav and stayed at the Delta. I met up with old friends whom I've missed dearly and many drinks were consumed. There were bathroom adventures, getting locked out of the hotel room at 5am, disappearing Heat and hurricanes! This weekend consisted of a roadtrip with Heat to Moncton where we stayed with Trav and went out to the O2 and to some random Salsa bar that should have been closed (because it was past 2am) but it wasn't. They also served us drinks. I love roadtrips!

Post-grad breakdown.

I can't keep doing it but I can't stop doing it. Thats the challenge I keep coming face to face with. I'm in such a weird mood tonight. I'm so tired from the last week full of work and floorsets. My body is utterly exhausted and achy. Yet my mind is racing. I don't feel like myself at all today. I feel really depressed. I want to cry. I'm lonely. The only person I want to be here is 167km away and the only person I want to be here is the person I shouldn't. What the hell am I doing? With myself? My life? Everything? Nothing I do anymore seems to make sense...where did Gill go? I'm breaking down... I'm so stressed out about what to do with my life its insane. Absolutely insane.

Reality?

My facebook horoscope today says:

"It's time to let a chapter of your life come to an end. It's hard to say goodbye sometimes, but important to realise when you need to move on."

Another motivational post, but somewhat real.

Dear Yeti,

I will no longer allow you to control my life and my actions. I will no longer allow you to destroy my lungs and allow you to take my hard earned money. I will triumph over you and I will cease to cough up black mucas into garbage cans and kleenex.

The End.

I'm still alive!

This post has been well overdue because of a lack of a wireless router in this new house. I'll try to be a bit more faithful but you'll have to be patient with me as plugging my computer into the modem upstairs in the hallway is a bit of a hassle. Anyways, I'm all moved into my new house, with my three roommates Vanessa, Kristen and Ashley. It is an amazing house and I'm loving it so much! I'll have to take some pictures and post them. The address is rather random too, 669 Scully. Easy to remember!

So, what is new. I'm finally completely single and I'm lonely and I miss my best friend. Work is taking over my life. So...basically I feel exactly the same way I felt most of the summer. Sweeeet. Some real changes need to be made in my life too. I need to cut the smoking habit before I die and go to the doctor before I worry myself sick. Basically I need to get off my lazy ass and do things to keep my mind from wandering.

Everyone warned me, but I didn't listen.

Just as I thought everything was flipping around I was wrong. Money doesn't buy happiness. Sure I am going to be able to pay off all my bills on thursday, but I'm still not happy. My job and my life are eating away at me... What am I doing? Its all or nothing. I need to stick up for myself.

Its all happening!

What a fantastic week this has been. I am in utter disbelief about what my mom gave me! When she came up she took me out for a coffee and we sat in the park while she told me I was the estate recipient of $15,000 from my grandmother who just died. Its absolutely amazing. I have a chance to pay off all my credit card debts and start over! I'm not making the same stupid money mistakes I've made before this time.

Wednesday and thursday I spent in Moncton with Trav. We drove up after I was done work on wednesday and drank a bit at his apartment, followed by a drunk playground adventure. We went to Magnetic Hill Zoo on thursday. I snagged a bit of free vodka that someone had left under the seat in my car so I drank the rest of that last night with Laura and I had another playground/park adventure, but this time with Randy. It was fun, but my arms are sore from the monkey bars today. haha

It is friday. My interview for assistant manager is today!

Clueless?

My mom is coming up to freddy to visit me tomorrow. Although I'm a bit worried about what this trip is really about. She wouldn't tell me over the phone. She said we had to talk and go over something. I hate when moms make you worry...

On a side note, I feel utterly exhausted. My body and mind are about to shut down. I only take in about 50% of what is going on around me (Chris Travis quote from last night). Its true though, I'm oblivious! Probably due to the total of 17 hours of sleep I've had in 4 days... The sleepovers are so worth it. I can't blame it on the sleepovers though, its because I got scheduled for morning shifts all weekend and of course I drank and stayed up late. I love staying up late. I'm a nightowl.

We sat in the sunporch last night smoking and watching spider battles. Dale/Onyx, our huge resident spider, battled some small gangly foreigner whom we named Tiny Tim outside the sunporch window. It was probably the most fascinating yet disgusting thing I've ever witnessed.

My place.

I seem to write a lot of blog entries lately in the sunporch while sitting on the green couch, high and alone. Maybe its because it gives me a lot of time to think. Or maybe its because I'm in a relaxed atmosphere amongst the American Eagle decor. Who knows. But here I am again. I am going to miss this sunporch so so much its unreal. This whole house actually. 20 days until its Goodbye Charlotte and Welcome 669 Scully. I have to make these last 20 days as good as I can! Its at this point in time where a digital camera would come in handy.. To capture the last rays of life at Charlotte.

"I don't care what my friends say, won't listen to the words that they say, there's no way that they could know"

Work today was not fun. I was haggard. But it was worth it! I had a ton of fun at the Black and White Party last night, I met and talked to a lot of random people!! Highlights of the night include smoking a joint in Marks sister's car, the trippy strobe light coffee table dancing, backyard smokes and chats, being hit on by a girl and finding Chris Reid's lost bookbag. Great night indeed. But like I said, this morning I did not feel so well. A lot of free drinks were handed to me last night. Who can refuse a free beer? Really!

Did I mention that apparently I had not changed my address for my student loan documents and they were still going to 672 Graham? Claire never told me til now that I had mail, but it was dated for April 22...and I just opened it on Wednesday. It said I owe 405 dollars on August 31 for my loan and I have to continue paying $405 a month for 6 1/2 years! AHHHHH!! I'm freaking out! My cell phone was also temporarily shut off due to my $200 cell phone bill. I've been making payments every time I get paid but I guess it wasn't enough for them! I feel so lost without my phone and I really cannot afford all these expenses! Plus the $800 I have to come up with for my rent and damage deposit in September. Oh, and replacing a window due to my own drunken stupidity.

My interview for assistant manager at AE is on friday. *crossing my fingers*

A drunk one.

Why do I feel like punching something again? Why did I want to smash beer bottles on the road? What am I doing! Please save me. Put a smile on my face, I beg of you.

Bloodfest 07

So last night, I drank two Rockstar vodkas and a little over a quarter pint of rum. I decided it would be a smart idea to relieve drunken anger and frustration by punching my kitchen window. Little did I know that I am strong enough to actually put my fist all the way through the window and shatter it. I'm paying for that mistake now with my damage deposit and cut up knuckles and gashes in my wrist and bloodloss.

The inspiration I needed.

Our new store manager started work today. My first impression? Absolutely amazing. I feel as if he's going to work extremely well with our management team and our staff. I'm pumped! I'm sure the staff will love him just as much! He has already cleared up a lot of little things I never really understood that well before. Its great!

Tonight is Farva-Fest. It sucks that I'm so broke that I can't afford liquor to drink tonight... Oh well, my body needs a break.

And the majority of them were photographed while intoxicated.

I really wish I had extra income so I could save money for a new camera. My poor old one has died for good, after having taken 3829 photos (+ a few more that are still on my memory card). It was totally my own fault though... Gill's natural clutziness + booze + camera = unfortunate destruction. I vow on my new cameras sake that I will take extreme care and caution not to let destruction ever fall upon its poor soul again. That is, if I can save enough money to buy a new camera...

As far as photos go, this is the last photo I have saved on my computer before the camera died. Lovely isn't it?

"Disintergrated by the rising sun; A rolling black out of oblivion; And I'd like to think that I'm your #1"

Again, another excellent sleep. Sleeps are so much better when he's around. It never fails. Still my head is flooded with thoughts. So I've customized my blog as you can see. Do you like? Why, why, why do I keep feeling such a mix of emotions all the time? I'm so A.D.D that even my emotions are turning A.D.D.!

View from the rooftop:

It was a technological word..shit, technical!!

Today has been an excellent day, minus waking up in excruciating pain from drinking last night. It started out by waking up next to my best friend followed by a trip with him and Miray to the beach out in Mactaquac. We met up with the rest of the Graham crew. Could I ask for more? I can never get enough of the beach. Afterwards I ended up at Forest Hill Towers in an indoor pool with Farva-Farv and two of his friends. Its funny how in the middle of typing this entry of how awesome my day is I get accused of not doing the dishes when I DID do them. It was on friday night, of course it doesn't look like the dishes were done!

The only loser in the situation that is my life.

I don't know what to think. I don't know what to believe. I hear so many conflicting opinions and arguments. I don't know who to trust anymore. Sometimes I talk too much. Sometimes I hear things that I really don't want to hear, things that anger me and that make me sad simultaneously. Sometimes I hear things that make me giddy deep down and give me false hope. What the hell am I doing?! Am I really in this situation? ME? I should have more sense by now after my crazy relationship past. This however, I've never done. It's all new. Its tearing me apart inside. I'm the only loser in this situation. I'm getting nothing. Then why can't I put an end to this nonsense? Because I'm still in love. I can't explain it and it doesn't make sense. Things just need to be figured out soon, because I'm falling into a slump. Something either needs to happen, or it needs to end. Completely.

"Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door" - Coco Chanel

On second thought...

maybe I just enjoy sex a little too much?

alone on the roof with nothing but too many feelings.

I tried typing my thoughts down into an email, with intentions on sending it. Now I'm wondering, should I?

I have no title.

So perhaps, even though I rarely drink anymore, my stomach cannot handle hard liquor. I had another puke mishap on friday night after ONLY drinking 3/4 of a pint of rum...(Normally I could drink more before any puke mishaps!) Maybe I'll switch my occasional binge drinking to beer for a bit and see how that treats me.

ERRRR I got a parking ticket today for $25. BLAH! Its because I was parked on the side of the street in front of my house because we only have one parking spot here (and four of us have cars!). The street sign says you can only park for 2 hours at a time but we always park there and rarely get tickets. It sucks. Where the hell am I suppose to park? The shitty part was I left for work 20 minutes after the ticket was written.

Tomorrow is my day off from work, finally. I plan on being semi-productive with a trip to the laundromat and cleaning out old Bessie of my belongings. I'm donating her to the Kidney Foundation since she is out of commission. I'm going to miss her though, she was my first real car. She got me where I needed to go (mostly) in those 3 great years! I also plan on visiting the waterfalls that are apparently a ways drive (and walk) out past Kilarney Lake... I haven't been there yet, even though its been planned in the past. Hopefully we make it this time!

So, to follow up with the post from earlier this morning...Far Far Away hopefully will be next year in Toronto, Halifax or even...a corporation in a state in the US... A plan is brewing in my head. I need to make things happen or I will always be stuck in this rut.

I hear sirens..>I'm in the sunporch with Miray, Reid and "puddles". Its crazy how much action I see and hear while living downtown.

Down the bumpy road..

I feel like all my progress is being set back. I hate 1-10 shifts. They give me time to think and reflect and not want to crawl out of bed and be all chipper at work. I always feel down like this when I work close shifts. I hate it. I need to get out of this place. Far, far away.

Snapping back into reality...

Saturday was an eventful afternoon. My mom, Becca and I went out for lunch at Isaacs Way, then to the mall where my mom bought me a hoodie and then some groceries. She's too good to me. Sunday was spent beaching with Laura, and then on an adventure to my staff bbq/Rob's going away party out in Mactaquac at Robyns house. It was quite the random weekend! I spent the day back at work, but the good news is I have tomorrow off again!! Laura and I are taking a trip to the falls!

Stellar thumbs up to Gillard: its the end of the night and I'm about to go to bed -- and I've only had two smokes today! :) Also, 5 days!

Need to disappear.

Well here I am again. Blogging in the sunporch. It's saturday morning. I didn't end up drinking last night due to lack of funds and the fact that I woke up yesterday morning to puke up bright yellow stomach acids into a bag in the middle of the floor in the kitchen because someone was in the shower at 8:30am. My mom is coming up today to take my sister and I out to lunch. A delicious free meal? I can't wait! I hope she will buy me a few groceries and give me a bit of cash as well;) I'm toooooo broke to function. I have a dollar to my name for another week!

Its been 2 days. How long can I make it?

Oiiiiiiiii.

I feel so angry right now. Angry and frustrated and hurt. I want to be happy gill again.

The 8 day work streak has finally come to an end. I have the weekend off but no money...so it looks like this may be a very boring weekend off. Last night was suppose to be a dolans night but I guess I drank 3/4 of a quart of vodka. I blacked the entire night out! Oiiiiiiii!

Bloggin on the rooftop.

I'm roofing it with heat right now. Its a gorgeous night. The sun is just disappearing behind the sillouette of trees. Work today was good. I met Dave-- he seems ok. Hard to say at this point in time. I didn't get to really talk to him that much, he was busy with Nicole and Rob. I got nice complement at work today that made my day -- I was told my talk during the meeting was great and that it didn't sound like I was talking too fast (like I thought I was doing!) because I do that when I get really excited about stuff anyways. haha!

The weather forecast is calling for rain on my weekend off. Of course its going to rain. The funny thing is I was joking around with the guy that works at Hardys subs in the mall saying how it was probably going to rain on my weekend off because it was so beautiful out right now!!! Dun Dun Duuunnnn....

Randooooom..

Weeelll...its been a really random last 5 days, consisting of a spree-of random sleepovers. Today consisted of laying in bed until 3pm. Work flew by. The Back to school (BTS) meeting on sunday went great! I didn't do as bad as I thought I was going to, seeing as I never do any public speaking because I hate it. Rob even told me I did a good job :) I can't believe he's leaving Store 955. As much as he stresses me out I LOVE HIM. American eagle won't be the same. He's leaving on the 27th. I also have to do another interview to be promoted to assistant manager with Judith (the district manager) and Dave (the new store manager who I hopefully get to meet tomorrow!). Ugh, I hate interviews. Work seems to be a lot of my life right now. Although it seems so messed up with all these promotions and such. I also feel like I'm doing a lot of other people's work at AE right now. Maybe things will get better, but they will get worse before they do. It also seems like my life outside of work is pretty messed up lately too. I need a break. I want someone by my side.

Success!

I'm done day 1 of my 8 day work stretch. Its going to be a long hull but I'll manage. Kev, a visual expert from the Moncton store was in our store for a long period of time today giving us a million amazing tips and tricks for the visual displays and merchandising. I fell in love with him instantly, although he was in his late 30s and I'm pretty sure gay. But it doesn't matter! As dumb as this sounds I want to have his job or something in the visual merchandising aspect of AE someday... But anyways, moral of the story is he got Nicole and I super pumped and motivated to make all these substantial improvements to our store!

I'm also signing the lease for the house with Vanessa on 669 Scully tomorrow! I'm pumped that this is going to be set in stone in less than 13 hours! Such a huge weight off my shoulders, thats for sure!

I get paid soon, yippeeeee! (It will be gone by the end of the weekend..bills bills bills..)

The good inbetween the bad.

After work today I headed down to Nicole's house to see the room available in September. The house is huge and gorgeous! It has a front deck and a back deck, as well as a decent sized backyard! It is also two stories, with 3 bedrooms upstairs, and one downstairs, with a kitchen, dining room and living room! I am in love! I would be living with Vanessa, and her friends from Aldo whom I do not know yet, Ashley and Kristen. I'm going to let her know ASAP that I want the room so I hope this all works out! I'm feeling very optimistic! I need to know that I have a place and I'm not going to be "the littlest hobo" again.

I've also only had 3 smokes today, 2 of which I bummed. Thats really excellent for me, go Gill!

Just another game..

Its monday. I'm enjoying a nice relaxing sit on the futon couch (thanks to Farva-Farv for getting us a new one!). It's also my day off, after working all weekend. Saturday night was a pretty random night... I almost got thrown off the deck at the boys place on Graham by a drunk Chris Morrison, only to be saved by some random standing on the stairs who caught me as I fell! He also stepped on my feet numerous amounts of times and slammed a metal door into my elbow. Ouch. I also had many drunk encounters with the boy. And when I say drunk, he was hammed and I was sober. As much as I wanted to stay, I know it was only because he was too drunk to function. The night ended in McD's with Heat and Miray, followed by a few yets.

I'm going to make some milk-less KD (only because I'm out of milk...)

Its crazy how much insanity has been going on. I hope everything turns out ok with everyone and everything... I don't know what I can really do to help.

I'm just chillin in the living room at Charlotte right now with Heat, Randy and Rumple, awaiting my turn for a shower. I got up this morning after 5 hours of sleep at 7:40am. I got ready for work in 10 minutes and was there by 8 when I was to begin work. So a shower this morning was not an option. Probably just going to chill at Graham later tonight but I have to work at 8am tomorrow (blahhhh ten hour shift!) so I can't go too hardcore.

I'm not really feeling the blog thing right now but I'll highlight my birthday adventure. Tuesday at 5pm Heat, Laura and I went on a birthday adventure to Moncton. We convinced Trav to lend us his keys to his place in Moncton so we could stay the night for free. We shopped for a bit, then headed over to Trav's place, later to be met by Chester (aka Texas!). Chester directed us (with me the birthday girl being the driver haha) to a wicked bar called Captain Dans that is located on the wharf in Shediac. It was two levels and there were cute boys as far as the eye could see! The next day consisted of a shopping adventure at Champlain place followed by a Parlee Beach adventure joined by Trav and Kerri who drove up that morning. The rest of the night after arriving back home in Fredericton is pretty much a blurrrrr. I drank. A lot. End of story.

Other random events of the adventure:
- car yetis
- "Texas, can you take the heat?"
- Giant Lobster pictures
- "Your not allowed to smoke out here!"
- Kicked the drinker outside.

The queen of bad decisions.

Only a couple close people to me have heard the nitty gritty details of my so-called-life and the most life altering events that I've gone through so far. I don't tell very many people. Some things are hard to talk about. A few people know the jist of things but I believe there is only one person I've actually gone into extreme details with, that person being one of my roommates. I've been told by her that I'm a very strong person for making it through everything but I really don't think I'm a strong person at all. All the terrible decisions I have been making and continue to make to this day don't back that up. Today is going to be crazy intense and I don't know if I'm going to be able to handle it. There comes a time when I'm just going to explode. I feel stressed, confused, worried...

I never thought once that my life would turn out like this. Everything is in shambles. EVERYTHING. I don't feel that there is one positive thing in my life right now. Everything is so messed up.

And I just keep making the same bad decisions time after time, even though I know better.

I'll write a birthday blog adventure when I don't feel like I'm going to puke because I'm so depressed and stressed out.

Happy Canada Day!

It always seems that whenever I have lots and lots to write about, I never take the time to actually sit down and write. And that leads me to this, wanting to write but the thoughts just aren't there.

Anyways, I got my car! The freedom I've experienced already in just the last 4 days has been unreal and I'm LOVING it. Heat and Laura joined me for the adventure home to the kingston peninsula and met my mom and where I grew up. Our adventure back was even better, consisting of ferry rides and silly pictures; car yetis on a random kingston road; sing-alongs; and Kilarney!

Kerri, Miray and I also made a batch of jello shooters at the boys place last night for
"you honk we drink" today at Graham. Unfortunately I can't join in on the festivities as the mall has decided it will remain open on Canada Day and of course I'm suckered into working from 2-6. Hopefully the party will not be busted before I get there!

My girls on our Kingston trip (I believe this picture was taken on the ferry?)

8 days til my big 2-4

Birthday countdown: 8 days! What should I do on this day might I ask? I have the day off. I want to do something fun! I was also talking to my mom today and she loved the car she looked at yesterday. She's just waiting on getting financing approval and then.... I GET MY MOM'S OLD CAR! 2001 Sunfire. It actually used to be mostly mine back when I lived at home in Kingston. My dad had bought it so I had a ride to UNBSJ. I'm pretty pumped to have my old "massage" car back haha. Also pumped to have a car thats reliable and 11 years newer than the car I have now!

Perhaps if its a beautiful day on my birthday, a trip to Parlee will be in order in my new car.

*Cross your fingers!*

I don't work until 6 tonight. It's a half day. I'm glad, although I always hate working tuesday nights because its markdown night. Oh well, only 5 hours instead of the usual 9!

Here kitty kitty!

Alright, so I remembered to change some of the wording around in my last post, but not all. Apparently I'm an idiot. I had actually meant to post that last entry last night, but the internet was down and I really felt like getting some of my feelings out (as I tend to lock a lot of them away) so I wrote that on paper and retyped it earlier today. The mistake I made while retyping the post was actually that I was quitting smoking today (not tomorrow!). I guess I've cut down a lot but I'm not going to lie...I have had a few smokes today. Oh well, tomorrow will hopefully be a better day. I may chill on the rooftop again this evening. It's a really beautiful place to think.

Laura kitty-sat today for an 8-month old fuzz-ball of love. Laura and I sat outside with him on our front doorstep and got many oooohs and awwwws. I'm in love with this kitten! He has now left the premise but memories will remain. If I end up having to live alone I'm going to have to get a kitten of my own to keep me company (as well as my sanity).

This is it. I've had enough.

It's been a very weird, thought-provoking week full of some of the right and wrong decisions...

After a long evening last night spent chilling on our beloved rooftop with my two favourite people, Heat and Laura, I have devised a plan: Heat and I are quitting smoking tomorrow. This is going to be the real thing this time. Bags of suckers from the Dollar store will be in order. I really feel like this is my time to turn my life around. I don't know how things ended up so messed up in my life but hey, it happens to even the best of us, right?? Things are looking up. I feel optimistic for once. There is a possiblity that I may be getting my mom's car to keep as a present for graduating UNB/my birthday by the end of this week! I think that having my own car to drive again will help bring me out of this dark hole I've fallen so deeply into. Freedom to do what I want, when I want, again.

I hope I can learn to be happy again. I've had enough. I don't deserve to feel the way I feel. I don't deserve to be treated the way some of the people I love the most treat me. I'm done.

Roof top adventures!

The old lady that lives next door yelled at us last night when we were chilling on the roof for being too noisy. He walked to the edge of the rooftop with a tree branch full of leaves in his mouth and apologized for the ruckus that was caused [He was trying to be a teradactyl (Spelling?)]

I'm absolutely in love with hanging out on the roof! My roof adventures thus far consist of seeing shooting stars, the big dipper, the north star, fireworks, pop bottle yetis, shining flashlights on random people from afar and watching silly boys eating mushrooms.

I'm going to miss this house and my sweet roommates so much when its over in the fall. 4 more 9 hour work days until my WEEKEND OFF!!!

Rain Rain Go Away.

I hate you for giving me the hug that lifted me off my feet and into the clouds. I hate how no other hug has ever made me feel like I was floating before. I hate how I was fine before that (or at least good at pretending). I hate the way I've been feeling lately. The rain outside seems to mimick my mood.

Does 111 mean I can make a wish?

This is my 111th post in this blog.


Anyways, today is my day off!!! I spent last night drinking at the boys place on Graham. The night started out with a game of 5 Round (I think its called- its a card drinking came) with Rich, Caroline, Heat et moi. I ended up playing 3 consecutive games and in doing so, drinking nearly 3/4 of my half pint of rum. Needless to say, I ended up at Dolans with Amy and Kaitie. More drinks were bought and dancing ensued.

Jacks pizza and yetis ended my night.

This morning I woke up super haggard. I came downstairs to an empty house and tried to recouperate from my lack of groceries by substituting yetis. It didn't help. I walked to Kings Place for a double cheese.

I'm just chilling out tonight though as I must work in the am tomorrow. 8am to be exact. Ugh. I'll probably chill at Graham for a bit.

I love Post-its

My arms ache like I worked out at the gym. Although, no gym was involved. Instead, I carried two loads of laundry two blocks down the street to the laundromat. That is why my arms are sore. I'm chilling on the couch with my roomies + Rumple and Randy. We are currently watching the movie Joy Ride -- but only because we have watched every other movie we own and this one is good for a laugh because its just that terrible.

My living situation for the fall is starting to worry me a lot. I'm pretty sure that we won't be able to stay in this house in the fall, and I believe some of the roomies will be moving home. I don't want to end up homeless again like I did in January...

One more work day until my day off on friday and payday!!

Live Your Life?

American Eagle is slowing stealing my life. I happened to take an adventure to the mall today on my day off, only to find out that my district manager is going to be there tomorrow, as well as my day off on friday was taken away. My next day off isn't until next monday again. Ugh. Another week of hell here we go!

I'm also officially broke, again. I get paid on friday, but that paycheck needs to go towards rent and my many many overdue bills. Yuck! I'm somewhat worried as to my food situation and my travelling to work situation due to the 6 dollars I have in my bank account.

I picked up my diploma at the post office this afternoon. I can't believe I paid $27, 591 for this piece of paper written entirely in latin with my name on it and a golden stamp.

I feel alone, although I'm surrounded by my great friends.

Upon proofreading this entry, I have determined a lot of it makes no sense.

I'm chilling in shotgun at my residence on Charlotte. It's 1:14am. It's the end of my 6 day work stretch for the week. Tomorrow is my day off. Thats besides the point though. The point is, I've come to realise I have failed at every single resolution I had created last week. Disappointing I know. That just means I have to try extra hard to make up for my lack of motivation.

I am not the only person in this city with a red lighter AND a pink lighter stashed in their purse simultaneously.

I am trying to forecast my day for tomorrow, but due to the raaaaiiiiiny weather right now, its hard to say whether or not I'm going to want to run any errands by foot. And by foot is unfortunately my only option. I have about 10 loads of dirty laundry to wash; I need to go to the post office to pick up a package (I'm guessing its my diploma!); Visiting Laura at Second Cup is a good choice for a midday pick-me-up; I would like to make it to the gym at some point; tanning is also a good option; perhaps even venture to H&R Block to finally get my taxes finished from 2005 and 2006! Fun filled day. Although (and being the nerd I am, I really am thinking about this) if I had a series of statistics from the probability that I will actually do all (or any) of these activities tomorrow and determined a trend, its probably a safe assumption to assume I will not get all of this done. End of story.

Some random resolutions.

Gill + Miray + a day off = one CLEAN mothafuckin house.
Gill + Miray + a visit from Rumple = one well deserved reward for cleaning.

We rock!

These are the final hours of my last day off for as long as I can see from work. I work ALL this week, and all weekend. That means I'm going to have to go easy on the drinking. (I guess thats good for the wallet tho.) But in light of the lack of alcoholism, I've decided this would be the perfect week to try and turn my life in another direction.

For one, I need to cut back on smoking. Smoking of all sorts;) You know that I can't just quit cold turkey because every last pack I buy is never my last pack. But I'm going to set myself a limit and I need to try my hardest to stick with it. So if by chance I'm grumpy or snappy at you, I'm sorry. It's my body going through withdrawal from lack of nicotine!

Two, I need to start working out. I'm paying for the gym, but not going. Mega waste of money. The only roadblock in my way right now is I'm going through my arthritis symptoms again! I'm gimped up on the couch as I type. If I start being able to walk without a limp I must will myself to go.

Three - I need to stop spending my money on mall junk/fast food. Period. No ifs ands or buts... (Unless I'm super hungover and need my double cheeseburger meal with extra pickles and a diet coke before work).

Four. My body is dying from dehydration. I never drink water. I must start carrying my Nalgene full of water with me at all times.

And finally the infamous FIVE. I need to will my body into going to bed before 1am, especially when work in the AM is involved. This includes cutting back on my terrible habit of setting my alarm 45 minutes early just so I can press snooze a rediculous amount of times.

AND if any of my roommates happen to actually read this entire post of ramblings, I insist they yell at me if I don't follow any of these rules. Because realistically, I probably won't. Especially the sleeping one. Alright, enough of my rambling. I must go back to breaking a few of these rules I set for myself.

"Ohhhh Now I'm going to smell like a boy!"

After a random night out with Heat and a pint and a half of vodka I arrived to work the next afternoon. Within 10 minutes of starting my shift, an odd man came over to me and handed me a bottle of our mens cologne, which was clearly malfunctioning. It was hissing and spraying cologne everywhere and wouldn't stop! I grabbed it in confusion and said: "Oh. Thats reeeeally weird." And on my way out back with this hissing bottle of cologne, my hands and feet got soaked and I smelled like a boy wearing too much cologne for the rest of my shift.

Roller coaster riiiide!

So Laura and I were having a pow-wow on her bed. It's a beautiful sunny/WINDY day. I'm staring out the open window, when I see this beach ball fly up onto the roof...and roll off the other side...into someone else's yard. BAHAAHAHA!

Something to kill some boredom. (Stolen from the other Gill!)

1. What time did you get up this morning? Funny question to start out with since my morning was so friggin RANDOM! I thought it was 10:45, but it was 7:45am...AND I don't remember what time I passed out at...Probably pretty late... Damn you 2 for 1 Keiths!
2. Diamonds or pearls? Um....how about black or wooden beaded jewellery?
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Oh god, its been far far far too long... The Breakup?
4. What is your favorite TV show? I don't really watch tv anymore...
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Coffee and sweet chili heat chips at AE to try and sober up.. (Didn't help.)
6. Favorite cuisine? My moms POROGIES!!!! Fried with onions and mountains of sour cream on the side... "Would you like some porogies with that sour cream?"
7. What are your middle names? Florence
8. What food do you dislike? SEAFOOD. I refuse to try any of that gooey stuff people eat. Disgusting!
9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? The mix techno cd I made for work that Rob stole on me... haha
10. What kind of car do you drive? Bessie. She is a 90 Toyota Corolla Wagon.
11. Favorite sandwich? Subwaaaaay! Lately its a melt with southwest sauce and lots of veggies!
12. What characteristic do you despise? Backstabbers.. People you can't trust because I trust everyone WAY WAY WAY too much.
13. Favorite item of clothing? Currently its my collection of boyfriend tanks from AE.
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Somewhere tropical. I'm not going to be picky, I haven't been past Ontario before!
15. What color is your bathroom? Ummm...white? I can't remember and there is no way I'm getting off this couch to check.
16. Favorite brand of clothing? Thats a silly question. AE of course. I live there. Its my second home.
17. Where would you retire? Somewhere tropical. (Refer back to question 14)
18. What was your most memorable birthday? Last years birthday on Graham Ave was great.
19. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey
20. Furthest place you've ever been? Ontario...Windsor, Toronto, Waterloo/Kitchener, Ottawa.. ya know!
21. Who do you least expect to comment on this? Everyone because no one can possibly be as bored as I am right now.
22. Person you expect to comment on it first? Refer to previous question.
23. When is your birthday? July 4th, 83. Independence day baby!
25. Are you a morning person or a night person? Clearly, if you have to set your alarm 45 minutes early just so you can press snooze a kazillion times you are a night person. Right?
26. What is your shoe size? 7
27. Pets? My rattie Mononoke who is sick with a tumor :(
29. What did you want to be when you were little? Pretty much everything. I'm A.D.D. haha. videogame designer/artist/filmmaker, etc etc.
30. How are you today? HAGGERED from last night, and also distraught and lonely.
31. What is your favorite sweet? SWEET CHILI HEEEEAT haha. Or mini eggs. Delicious.
32. What is your favorite flower? Anything but roses.
33. What is a date on the calendar you are looking forward to? MAY 17, 2pm. GRADUATION DAY! BOOOO YEAH!
34. What time is it? 9:36pm.
35. Piercing? God I used to have almost everything. Currently I wear my tragus, industrial, lobes and tongue. I used to have my belly button, both nips, and monroe which I miss dearly...
36. Place of birth? SJ Regional Hospital.
37. Love someone/something so much it made you cry? Unfortunately a little too much.
38.Favourite Restaurant? I don't really have one.
39. Favorite Alcoholic drink? BEEEEEEER. Or rum and juice.
40. Favorite ice cream? Something with chocolate. Oreo is good.
41. What color is your bedroom? white. I hate when you can't paint a rented apartment.
42. from who did you get your last e-mail? Facebook
43. What do you do most often when you are bored? Facebook is stealing my life.
45. Ford or Chevy? Whateve.
46. What are you listening to right now? Chris Reid and Wes's Diablo games.
47. What is your favorite color? pink and green.
48. Which came first the chicken or the egg? Egg!
49. What are you wearing? AE Boyfriend jeans...AE socks...AE boyfriend tank...AE polo....AE hoodie....AE panties... Uhhh the only thing I'm wearing not from AE is my bra!!
50. What is the greatest place on earth? The beach. I live for the beach and the sun.
51. How would you react to a flat tire? CAA Gold bitches!
52. Tattoos? "Tribal-ish" black sun on my lower back. I need to add to it, but need some ideas. I also want a coloured tree of life on the inside of my calf, with the roots twisting and swirling around my foot. I still need to attempt to design that as well.

A much needed update on my drinking shananagans.

So last night I got wrecked. I mean really really wrecked. But I had a good reason. The original plan was Jimmy Swift. I drank about a pint of vodka (thankfully mixed with my good friend Powerade) and Claire, Gort, Stevenson and I headed up to the Cellar around 12:30. Unfortunately there was a massive lineup so we decided to check out the Social Club upstairs to see how the lineup was... Of course there was also a very slowly moving line. Undecided we stood there for a few minutes trying to decide what to do when I saw Jon, my lab partner. I told him about my situation, and probably a few other things (I was drunk ok!) and he let us go through the VIP entrance. That meant no waiting in line and no cover! That scored me a ten sheet which went towards 2 for 1 Keiths. The last point of the night that I remember was playing fuseball terribly...

I awoke this morning to the sound of Brad Birds voice -- "GILL! GILL! WAKE UP!!! It's 10:45!!"

My first thoughts were: Oh my god...I'm an hour and 45 minutes late for work, FUCK FUCK FUCK!

"No Gill, its SEVEN-45, your not late, your alarm just went off. I slept in your bed." - Bird

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a wall. A white wall that looked oddly like my own white wall beside my own bed. I was face down on Kristys bed. I was still hammered...and now very confused. I stumbled off the bed, and upstairs (not paying any attention to what Brad Bird was wearing) reset my own alarm to 8:30 and passed back out. When I reawoke, I noticed that I had 7 rocks in my back pocket. What the hell was I doing with rocks in my pocket? And they weren't normal rocks. These were Lauras rocks, with paintings of little creatures and mooses and lizards and stuff. Was I trying to sneak off with them?

Anyways, I drove to work for a morning floorset at 9am still friggin hammered. Oops.

I later found out that I passed out all around the house last night (I have no recollection of anything after about midway through the S Club) and I guess I didn't want to go sleep in my own bed so Bird carried me into Kristys room and I passed out there. He took over my bed, and... apparently was also wearing my boxers because he didn't want to sleep in my bed naked. I didn't notice, the events of this morning are hazy as well. I also found out later that it was Claire who put the rocks in my pocket. Phew! I thought I might have been going a little crazy. I can't recall if I puked last night or not either. Annnnd.... I'm still haggered. I should not be allowed to drink when I'm feeling down because I tend to go a little overboard. And probably get a bit too emotional afterwards. (But I can't remember...??)

Tomorrow is my first day off from work in 14 days! How should I spend it? A new haircut perhaps?

410 Charlotte Manor

Ok, the reason it's been such a long and brutal wait for any more posts was due to the fact that when we moved into our place on Charlotte we didn't have the internet for a bit. Anyways, this house is amazing. Absolutely amazing. I can't describe how much I love it, how big it is, or how much character it has. Or how awesome all my roommates are. Even the ones that technically don't live there -- but do.

In point form:

- girls on top!
- POKER (POKE HER?)
- charlotte manor
- bong spills, coffee spills...water spills...a carpet burn mark?
- clutziest roommates ever
- kristy, brand new roommate addition
- passed the fuck out.
- sun porch smokes
- parking ruckuses
- Mario Kart: Double Dash competitions
- noise warnings
- "Why do we have NINE toothbrushes? oh wait...I can't count. SEVEN. Seven toothbrushes..."
- "Wow, theres a lot of dream team in that box."
- Missing pizza...garlic fingers...ten dollars....digital fucking camera?!?!
- I heart C.T.

Anyways, Slor and I started up the gym again, I'm attempting a quit at yets (if I last a week, I was offered a pint and a pack of smokes..) and I am on the hunt for a full-time job. Go me!

Countdown to Girls on Top: 4 days!

I just found out that we are allowed to move into our new apartment on Charlotte early -- on FRIDAY! I'm so excited to move all my stuff in and finally have a place to call my own again! It's going to be a grrrreat weekend. Tonight I'm working at AE from 4 until 10. Then I gotta work on my Animal phys lab report... Yay.

Photo from floorset...Team Wall!

Go Team WALL!

Farva helped me shovel the driveway here at Forest Hills so I could unstuck my car from the massive amount of snow on the ground. It took us about an hour and a half. I then rushed to the mall for the AE spring 1 floorset where I did another 10 hours of demanding physical activity building mens walls and filling them until 5am. It wasn't that bad though. We ordered pizza, took many photos, and had some silly prizes.. In fact, I WON a lanyard that says LOSER on it. Ironic? I'm extremely sore today though. It feels like I went to the gym for 10 hours. My entire body aches. I also have a massive bruise on my knee from tripping and going knee first into the hardwood floor at AE. If anyone would have seen it they would have laughed because I had tripped and dived behind a table full of clothes... Oh well...at least I didn't fall off the ladder...

A great opportunity that will help put my life on the right track lies ahead of me and I can actually SEE it. *crosses fingers*

What fun adventures await me on this sunny sunday?

Blah.

Everything seems so far away and just out of reach. I'm having one of those days where I feel really alone and depressed for no apparent reason. I want to breakdown and have a huge cryfest but I am struggling to hold back tears because I'm sitting on the couch in the boys house in the living room. I have no where to go for any real privacy. Its times like this where the ld thing is harder and I just want someone here in my couch cocoon to talk to. Alright, Farva just arrived. Time to pretend everything is dandy and put on my happy face. Spring floorset is tonight and for some reason unknown to me I volunteered to come in 2 hours early. So I'm working overnight from 7pm to 5am. Perhaps its because the mall was cancelled last night and I didn't get to go in for my final 3.5 hour double shift.

167 km away from the couch I call home.

I'm sitting on the couch at the boys house in Moncton while they are off in class. Let me tell you, Trav's bed beats the couch in forest hills by far.



I don't want to leave it, but I need to return to Fredericton tonight. Tomorrow is my day at school. This will probably be my last two days off from work in a while. Glad I spent it here with a bed! The boys should be home soon. I just want to schimmy up to Trav under his blankets in his bed and take a cat nap. Meeeoow! Purrrrrr...

15 more days until 412 Charlotte st with my girls :)

Another typical day awaits.

So as you see I've come up with the new blog name for now. It seems rather suiting at the moment. I'm just chilling out here in Forest Hills with the cable from their Xbox live plugged into my laptop so I can use the internet. I am heading to work in about 10 minutes. The weekend was good. We drank on friday night in hopes of making it to the Cellar for Kristy's last night in town -- but I hadn't slept in 3 days and I'm poor so we didn't go inside. Our farewells were said. Last night was a night full of chilling out here. I'm also through with taking my antibiotics and I find that my wheezing has disappeared! Hurray!

Work time.

Adventures of the littlest hobo.

I'm going to have to change the name of my blog now that I'm moving out of the crazies' house. Suggestions? I'm officially homeless. Last night after moving the majority of my stuff out of the house with the help of Wes, Farva and Randy, we got baked, played lots of Zelda for Super Nintendo and stayed up until the wee hours of the night (or morning for that matter). I slept on their couch in a cocoon of blankets. It would have been even more amazing if my sleep would have consisted of more than 3 1/2 hours.. My brain isn't functional at all right now. Neither are my motor skills. I already spilled coffee on myself three times. I'm chilling in the science library lobby, just waiting for my first class- Animal Phys lab to start. I already did my consult hours today. After my Animal Phys lab I get to TA Lisa Lab from 6-9. Going to be a looooong and tiring day. I can't wait to be done and its just barely begun.

"Maybe tomorrow I'll want to settle down...Maybe tomorrow I'll just keep moving on."

The Attic vs. The Basement.

This is the last night I'm going to be in this bedroom. I'm looking around the room and it's such an eerie feeling. I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss all the space to move around, the high ceilings, the random circle on the ceiling, the massive unmovable window.. Goodbye porch smokes. Goodbye big living room. So long vodka lady. See ya Percy. Goodbye 721 George st. Welcome to my life as my AE associates call it, the homeless charity case. This month is going to be rough and I don't know if I'll be able to hack it. I still don't have places to store all my furniture and boxes. I'm going to be sleeping on random couches all month, with no real bed or home to come to after work at night, or no shower to use every morning. Ugh. I hope the girls apartment situation works out. Heather, Miray, Laura and I are just awaiting approval on an application for a beautiful two story apartment (in a 3 story house) on the corner of Charlotte and York st. It has a sun porch, a living room, dining room, kitchen, attic, pantry and 4 bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs. I hope we get it! We have mega plans for this place.. No crazies allowed.

I had an awesome Christmas break. It's going to feel so weird to start class again... And I'm hating the Moncton thing already.

I spent tonight at work from 5-10 at American Eagle with only Bianca and Vanessa working. We had a snack party on the sales floor. Afterwards was spent with Wes, Zelda, yetis, and diplomat breakfast. Good night.

Countdown to Homeless-ness: less than 24 hours.