I need to clean my room.

Well it's happened again. Although this time its different - I didn't mean to sleep in and skip my class today. My alarm didn't go off, or maybe I turned it off in my sleep. But either way I woke up and my class had already started. Fuck. This was a terrible class to skip. Ugh! My plan for the day is to study study study... something I haven't done in a really long long time. I need to pull myself together and get my act in gear.

I hope this weekend is super fun! I wish I wasn't working so much at AE. Vanessa lent me a super scandelous black cat costume for Halloween. I've been trying to modify it so its a bit less scandelous but I still look super rediculous when I'm wearing it. Yeaaaah.

Last night after work, I spent the evening at the boys place with Kristy and Laura (and the other usuals showed up of course). I don't think I've ever done so many yetis in such a short time span. Gross. I need to stop.

What am I doing with my life?!

I don't know what's wrong with me. This week I've skipped my classes on both monday and wednesday (today). I just can't seem to drag myself out of bed in the morning, no matter how important it is that I don't skip my hardest class (Virology). I almost didn't go to Bioinformatics yesterday either. Ugh. I feel like I'm going to fail and its like I don't even care. I just want out of school right now. I have no motivation to study. I don't really have any motivation to do anything. I just feel like being artistic and crafty again... I feel like painting pictures like I used to do. All I do now is hang out with my friends and get stoned. I've been putting that before schoolwork which I cannot do when I'm in 4th year honours. Frig I'm being an idiot but I don't know how to stop. I feel like I have way too much responsibility this year and I can't hack it. Mentally or physically. No one else understands how I'm feeling right now either... I just keep telling myself to make it through this semester and it will be ok. But really, even if I can make it through with just a pass, that means my GPA will drop and I won't graduate on Deans List, something I've worked SO very hard to get since my first year I fucked off like I am now (I had a 2.3). I've managed to get my cumulative GPA up to a 3.7 in these last 6 years....I can't lose it now but at the same time I don't care. Maybe I should drop Virology. I don't know. If I become part time I'm letting my lab prof down since I have to be full time all year to be TA. Being a TA is an awesome thing to have on my resume, but I can't handle school right now. Ohhhh I feel so stupid. These past few weeks I feel like crying every night. I really haven't done a thing productive. What am I doing with myself?!!! I've never felt this bad before. I don't want to be one of those fucked up girls. I'm too stressed out and I want to go back to bed...But I slept for 12 hours last night! I also have an extremely stressful day ahead of me -- I have to head up to school soon and go to TA consult hours and try to help students out with questions I don't know how to do because I'm an idiot...then I get to TA a busy open lab for 3 hours and try to help students out with labs I don't remember because I don't have enough motivation to study the years worth of labs before going.

Biology/Chemistry Pubcrawl = SUCCESS

That was such a random time. The lineup:

• ?-7 - Grad house
• 7-9 - 20/20
• 9-11 - Bugaboo
• 11-12 - Capital
• 12-2 - Zees

Some highlights of the night: - The BioBabes!



- Steve and I had this evil plan to get Dave stoned alllll night because he refuses to smoke during the school year -- but I convinced him at the Capital to go for a "walk" with Steve and I... and got him stoned in the Alley!



- Best Comment written on the front of my shirt, courtesy of Andrew: "I'm fermenting to CH3CH2OH" (that's ethanol for you non-scientists....and yes, ethanol = alcohol!)



- Quote: "Gill's a boy!" - Chantal, when referring to the fact that I hung out with the boys pretty much all night.




- Quote: "I used to hate you because I thought you were too pretty to be in the science library"-a different Chantal that I don't really know.

- Way too many free shots.

- Running into Ryan at Zees.

- Ending the night with Jacks Pizza.

What a friday that turned out to be.

Turns out I drank 9-10 beer on friday night. A bunch of us went on a booze cruise on the mayors boat. My recollections from the night are fuzzy. No, they are pretty much blacked out. The best story I heard from that night was from Travis: Apparently he was talking to the girls from Graham that used to live upstairs from us and they were asking him if he was still dating me, yadda yadda yadda. Then they heard a big bang, and he looked over and Claire and I were on the floor on top of a broken table. Apparently we broke a table! Yeeeesh! At least I'm not the ONLY person to go down in the record books having broke a table on the mayors boat...ahem...DAVE!

No recollection of this picture being taken on the boat...nor any pictures for that matter.



The rest of the weekend was fun too, although I didn't drink nearly as much on saturday night for Gorts birthday.

Happy 20th Gort!





Now that the weekend is done, I have tons and tons of school work to do... Next friday is the Biology Society pubcrawl and I decided today that I'm going. I'll try not to break any tables...or fall down any stairs...or drink 9-10 beer.

TGIF!

My bioinformatics test yesterday didn't go so well so I think. But I guess only time will tell. I basically guessed on every question.

Annnnyways, its FRIDAY THE 13TH TODAY!!! I absolutely HEART MY FRIDAYS because its the only true day of the week where I get to rest because 1. I only have two classes in the morning and I'm done by 10:30 and 2. I never ever have to work! This better be a DAMNGOOD friday the 13th. A friday the 13th to go down in the record books!

Maybe I should get off my ass...do something productive....maybe do some laundry, clean the ratties cage...clean my room...do the dishes....eat some food... Mmmmmm foood.....*drool*

And the time ticks away...

I've come to a conclusion: I can no longer go to the science library to study. I just know waaay too many people there and it just becomes a social gathering. Kristy can vouche for that. I just have to learn how to lock myself away in my room and study without being distracted, particularly by msn and the internet. Looks like I'm not doing a good job though, seeming as I have a midterm at 8:30am tomorrow morning and I have hardly studied at all for it! But I'm pooped and to the point where I almost don't care. Maybe I'll just try to get up really early to finish studying. Well, either way I'm going to be "not ready" and "extremely tired". Maybe I should just try to cut down the tiredness by going to bed but in doing so increase the not readiness.

P.S.. The red-headed librarian with the glasses kicked me out of the library today for having coffee in my travel mug. So don't worry Jenn, its not just a grudge against you.

Gill's Clutz move of the Day.

Here's my clutz-move of the day: I was sitting on the couch attempting to read my Bioinformatics textbook when I got distracted by my laptop. As I reached over to grab it, my highlighter rolled off the textbook and under me, so that I was sitting on top of it. Of course I didn't realise and continued to type away to Trav - when I realised "holy crap I have to be at work soon!" When I got up, I had noticed a small odd mark on the green couch cover.... I didn't think anything of it and changed out of my white boxer shorts and back into my jeans... Then I saw it. Highlighter over my shorts. Lots and lots of bright fluorescent highlighter. Ouch. I hope it comes out. I sprayed it down with Oxy stain remover and went to put a bucket full of laundry detergent under the tap in the bathtub - but the shower knob was still pulled up and I didn't notice. Soaking wet arm. Brutal. Off to work I went.

After work I had to quickly run back to campus for more TA training. Now I'm super exhausted and worn out but I have to study for my test. Argh!

"That Amanda, always pooping" - Josh

Claire and I at Dolans for Alexander's birthday (Thursday)


Saturday night was fun. I worked til 10 and then headed over to the boys place and drank too much. Ended up at Zees and the next morning I had to go to work drunk. It wasn't a lovely sight. I also had to train Nicole on cash that day. I thought I was going to die. I drove home shortly after work on sunday and had thanksgiving dinner with my mom. It was delish and I managed to swipe a bunch of leftovers. I went out with Amanda and some friends to the AQ which was super packed. So packed you could hardly move. I didn't end up seeing a lot of people that I knew, but I did see a few peeps I was happy to see because I haven't seen them in a while! We had an elbow and knee party on the dance floor. Apparently McDicks isn't open late in Saint John anymore -- we travelled the city looking for food after the Q, but with no luck. Thank god for the Big Stop on the highway being open alllll night! I didn't get home til 5am. Exhausted I am.

Amanda and I with our loser faces on. We lost 45s to... Ryan?!



I got back to fredericton around 3:15 today and with all plans to do homework/study for my test on thursday. Did I do that? Nope! Instead I hung out with Kristy and went to the boys house and smoked waaaay too many yetis. I came home after some tv and guitar hero, ate a big meal of leftovers and headed to school to dishwash. So as of now, I've studied for a good 30 minutes today. I win?

I love your elbows...

What a DRUNK thanksgiving weekend..

This weekend has been turning into a drunkfest, almost Graham style. Thursday night was Alexander Keiths 211th birthday so we turned to him for some good drunkin fun. I managed to con the liquor store guy to let us have an extra free glass because me and Kristy were splitting a 12 pack and it came with a nice mug. We went to Dolans that night ... and needless to say I told Phil to take good notes for me in the morning because there was no way I was going to be able to get up to go to class in the AM. I also left class early on thursday -- so that means I've started my long weekend at 10:45am on thursday morning. It so feels like it should be a sunday right now, but its actually saturday so thats throwing me off real bad!

Last night we again drank at the boys place and then headed out to Sweets. Sweets was ok, but I still prefer just staying and drinking at the boys place most of the time. I'm not a real dance bar fan, but we will probably end up at one again tonight. Only time will tell. But in the meantime I have to do some laundry, and get ready for workie work tonight from 6-10. I'm glad its Vanessa who's closing with me tonight AND opening tomorrow. Thank god for awesome coworkers.

Oh Zoo lab, I miss you.

I was reading very old blog entries from when I first moved to fredericton for school in 2004 when I came across this picture I had taken:


Why can't my labs be this much fun this year?!! I had a great time being silly in Zoology lab with Chris. Speaking of Chris, he's back this year after a long hiatus. He now has a kid, and a fiance too! And drove me home today:P Jenn, remember when you thought he was the "crying train boy?"

Well, I gotta leave for work at AE soon...I'm taking Roger's shift today from 12-6 to earn some extra $$!

My body is officially run down from stress and lack of sleeeeeep...

The animal phys midterm went pretty well considering I didn't study too much (knock on wood). But I am hoping I got real lucky with my guestimating skills and pulled off an A or hopefully an A+. Only time will tell tho! It feels like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that I dropped my lab. IT FEELS GREAT! It feels great that I could come home after TAing my lab today and actually RELAX. And by relax I mean do laundry/clean the kitchen and my room. Speaking of laundry, my bedsheets are still in the dryer. Ugh. The worst feeling in the world is being super exhausted but you can't crawl into bed until you put your sheets back on. Blah!

Tomorrow, being Alexander Keiths day will bring drunkin fun at Dolans. I'm excited, but I'm going to be totally wrote off on friday morning for class......

Screwed for Animal Phys? I think so...

I'm giving up on studying even though I haven't yet studied enough. On another note I dropped the lab in hopes of destressifying myself a little bit. A little bit being the keyword because really, even if I only had one class I always end up stressing myself out. It's just the person that I am. I hope that this weekend at least offers more destressifying than last. I am just so overtired that what I read is not being retained. I need to go to bed early for once. I wish I wasn't feeling so down all the time lately. I need my summer back. I need to be stress-free and happy about my life. Have I ever been really happy about who I am and where I'm going though? When I read through my old blog on livejournal I seemed really sad most of the time. Most people don't picture me that way though. I need to have more confidence in myself. A lot of people lately have been ruining my confidence, putting me down, not believing in me. People that I thought were my friends have been rude -- in more ways than one -- when I contemplating taking this year off from school they said they were "not surprised" which actually surprises me alot considering last year the majority of my free time was spent in the library. Ok, sure, I'm a distraction in the library. Half the time I socialize with all my friends at the library more than I actually study. Or I drift off into my own world and not really read what is written down on my page. But that's just me. I don't think that school is everything in life. If you don't have friends, what do you have? Money? Money can't make you ultimately happy. I don't know why people have doubts in my abilities to do well in school - even though I'm not that huge on studying hardcore I always come out with decent marks, most of the time these marks are as good as (or better) as these people who put me down who spend their entire lives studying. I'm done with these people.

I'm done ranting now. I'm going to mosy (mozy?) around for a bit, make a lunch for tomorrow and hit the hay. I'm exhausted in everyway.

Having a real mental breakdown.

All this school-related stress has got to stop. I'm in tears from my lab. Actual tears! I'm at the point where I don't care if I owe the government a few thousand dollars for becoming part-time for this semester and having to give back my student loan because at least I won't be crying and stressing every single day about this lab. I think a few thousand dollars is well worth keeping my sanity.

This is such a big decision.

I'm still awake?!?

Maybe I was being a bit too moody this weekend and that's why I wrote that post yesterday.. Anyways, the little time that was spent was still great. Last night I had to work til 5am doing the floorset at AE. Afterwards I went home and tried to call Trav (he told me to call) but he was passed out and didn't answer his phone. I got into bed and layed there for a good 30 minutes, possibly drifting in and out of sleep (I couldn't tell if I had fallen asleep or not). My cell rang at 5:40am and it was him. He was being kicked out of Reid's bed so I offered to go pick him up (he was hammered, haha!) He's lucky I'm a good girlfriend because I was already in bed! I believe we both passed out this morning at 7am and got up at 11am. A good ol 4 hours of sleep. Now I'm struggling to stay awake and study/work on my lab. I'm just home on a break for supper. I'm probably heading back to the library soon, but I'm debating a short 30 minute nap. I don't really have the time to spare, but I'm pretty useless on 4 hours of sleep. I also have to dishwash tonight. BLAH!