I'm giving up on studying even though I haven't yet studied enough. On another note I dropped the lab in hopes of destressifying myself a little bit. A little bit being the keyword because really, even if I only had one class I always end up stressing myself out. It's just the person that I am. I hope that this weekend at least offers more destressifying than last. I am just so overtired that what I read is not being retained. I need to go to bed early for once. I wish I wasn't feeling so down all the time lately. I need my summer back. I need to be stress-free and happy about my life. Have I ever been really happy about who I am and where I'm going though? When I read through my old blog on livejournal I seemed really sad most of the time. Most people don't picture me that way though. I need to have more confidence in myself. A lot of people lately have been ruining my confidence, putting me down, not believing in me. People that I thought were my friends have been rude -- in more ways than one -- when I contemplating taking this year off from school they said they were "not surprised" which actually surprises me alot considering last year the majority of my free time was spent in the library. Ok, sure, I'm a distraction in the library. Half the time I socialize with all my friends at the library more than I actually study. Or I drift off into my own world and not really read what is written down on my page. But that's just me. I don't think that school is everything in life. If you don't have friends, what do you have? Money? Money can't make you ultimately happy. I don't know why people have doubts in my abilities to do well in school - even though I'm not that huge on studying hardcore I always come out with decent marks, most of the time these marks are as good as (or better) as these people who put me down who spend their entire lives studying. I'm done with these people.
I'm done ranting now. I'm going to mosy (mozy?) around for a bit, make a lunch for tomorrow and hit the hay. I'm exhausted in everyway.
2 comments:
hey gilly.. sounds like your having a hard time right now. I think your brilliant and strong for having the strength to say your unsure and just tell it like it is. Taking a year off, or going part-time is totally understandable.. I went part-time when I was in a rough patch and it REALLY helped! Your right, good friend's NEVER put their friend's down.. screw em gilly! lol.. take care and remember how awesome you really are!
~S~
i think that a lesson everybody has to learn in their life is picking good friends that enrich, support, and protect you rather than friends who use you, demean, put you down, or just don't really think you're as great as you actually are. people like that are downers and don't deserve to be in your life at all.
you are a fine, sexy, superfox momma that is smart and determined to succeed in life! i know if i were placed in your cicumstances i would be dead from a drug addiction by now.
tan-nee
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